Hello! It has once again been many months since I last updated this blog. One of the reasons for that is that I’ve found it less and less fun to get this blog to do what I want it to do. As a result, I’ve begun to spend some time making a theme for this site from scratch, which is proving to be a learning experience, but I’m excited about it as it means it will be a lot easier for me to to share some of my more tech-coded (I’m so funny) sketches and ideas with you all.
Anyway, so what’s changed since the last time I posted 🤔?
Well for one I’m once again unemployed. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you’re close to me so you probably already knew that, but yeah, I’m figuring out what to do with myself in the meanwhile. I’ve had some really good conversations with a close friend (you know who you are ❤️) and it’s reminded me (once again) that I have agency over my life and I don’t have to continue down the path I thought I did. So to that end, I’ve applied for an online class with the School for Poetic Computation and am waiting to hear back. Apart from that, I’m also working on an application for a wellness store that’s nearby me which is a very big switch-up in terms of role-type and industry. There’s utterly no guarantee I’ll get that job not least of all due to my lack of sales and service experience, but a girl can hope. And your girl is very much hoping that if she does get this job that it will leave her some time to work on art and the programming/computer centred stuff she loves so much.
I’ve also been back in therapy which has been good for me. Mostly been working on my perfectionism. Trying to create and release more art and just more of my creative output in general. I write a lot of code that no one sees, draw a bunch of stuff no one sees, play a bunch of music no one ever hears and the like. I’m still learning how to let it go and let it exist in the world.
One thing that’s been helping with that a whole bunch has been the channel hijaq. She’s an electronic musician I found when I was down a rabbit-hole about the Minichord(hey if you wanna get me one, I won’t complain) and her music is both really good and also made very freely and loosely. She obviously cares about what she makes, but she doesn’t hold it too closely to her chest and I find that inspiring.
On the same note of not keeping things so close to the vest, I’ve made a couple of changes to how I work that I realized were preventing me from writing as much as I’ve been wanting to. One of those things, which is very simple but very effective for me is to just disable the word-count feature. I find that when I can see a word count as I’m writing, I do the thing you’re not supposed to do and start trying to say more even when there’s not much left on my mind to express to meet some arbitrary metric that would make whatever post “worth reading”.
Another thing I’ve done, which I think must be a sign of me getting older is
switching all of my development, writing and desktop environments to light
mode. Now that one truly came as a surprise. If you’re curious, I’m not a
pure-white, 0xfffff beaming into my retinas type of light-mode
enjoyer. Me devloping with github light theme (2026, colourized)
Onto other things I’ve been enjoying: honestly I’ve been feeling a lot more trans lately, which has been a double-edged sword. On the one hand, I’ve felt more in touch with myself and my femininity than I have in a long time. On the other hand, I haven’t been able to express that very much, so I’ve been feeling more in the way of dysphoria as I’m more aware of how my physical appearance is at odds with what I want it to be. I’m working through that, but I guess I’m grateful for the knowledge of self I’ve developed to be able to feel like I’m not honouring or embodying myself.
Oh! One other thing, I think I’m close to finding a new name, which is really exciting for me. The current title of this blog, “Zion’s Garden” was one of my first attempts at finding a name that felt like mine, but I pretty quickly figured out it didn’t resonate, but that was after I bought the domain for the year soooo yeah. But in due time I’ll announce the new name, probably at the same time that I roll out the site redesign, but I make no promises ❤️.